Title: My Heart Draws A Dream!
Author:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
earnestinberlin
Theme: 016. Denial
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: MiyavixBou (main)
Band[s]: Solo Miyavi, Antic Cafe
Disclaimer: I’m a lonely city girl~~ *Now do you want me to sing? Of course not! xD
Comments: I’m actually touched how people still want this thing alive. I feel... You guys make me feel so special, I just... I just want to thank you all for being so supportive! Because I’m so cool there’s this weird “interview” segment at the bottom xD
Summary: Bou is your not so average cross dressing student who has been going to Holy Garden University for the last two (and a half!) years. All he wants (and needs) is a quiet life and to finally graduate from the horrid school he’s been forced to attend.
Not going to happen to this cross dresser.
Previously:
Chapitre Un
Chapitre Deux
Chapitre Trois
Chapitre Quatre
Chapitre Cinq
Chapitre Six
Chapitre Sept (Bonus Chapter)
Chapitre Huit
Chapitre Neuf
Chapitre Dix
Chapitre Onze
Chapitre Douze
Chapitre Treize
Chapitre Quatorze
Chapitre Quinze
It was a metal bracelet, shinning in the dark. A metal bracelet that could belong to anyone in the world, anyone in the world who can afford something as expensive as this. It was wrapped around a thin wrist, a wrist that was connected to a hand, one that was holding on to a familiar bracelet.
“You really are bastard, you know that?” Nana said, reaching out for the cigarette in the boy’s mouth and taking a puff herself. “She was really sweet”
“So? You don’t understand anything” he lifted up to his face, looking at the diamonds and small little pieces of gems attached to the chain.
The girl shook her head, throwing away what was left of the cancer stick- which wasn’t much. She leaned close to her boss, her hands on either side of the arm rest of his chair, “All because he left you?”
“Can you please shut up?”
“Hey, I’m not the one with the down in the gutter relationship” she lifted from the position, replacing her earlier expression with a small smirk trying to get her boss a bit riled up without actually having to write her death wish.
“That was uncalled for” the raven haired boy in front of him said, and then he added in a small threatening voice “Are you trying to get me mad?”
“Now, I was just merely stating a fact, dear” she winked at him, pinching his left cheek. Then slinging her small purse over her shoulder “I hope your latest brainchild works, I’m leaving now. My part of the job is done and as much as I want to see what’s going to happen next, I have a date waiting for me”
“Oh and just so you know, Bou isn’t exactly what you think she is” He watched as she walked away, she opened the door and before she could get out, “Just wire me the money okay?”
A small click and she was gone.
The boy looked at the door with a sour expression; he wasn’t in the mood to be reminded of his current status. He felt for his cheek, the one that was pinched by the girl.
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“Oh god!” Sugizo exclaimed, the moment he saw the blond boy near the front entrance. “It’s you! The love of my live has come back!”
Like all the other times, he tried to get a hold of the blond but like every time Yoshiki had a fist ready in the air to keep his redhead friend from even trying to touch Bou. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in true love and its pursuits- if he didn’t, he should’ve stopped Miyavi a long time ago when he started crushing on the blond boy. But Sugizo and Bou...? No. Just, No.
“Bou-kun” the older blond said, not really minding the fact that he just knocked out his friend “Where have you been? Didn’t you know that you had people bat shit scared?”
“I’m so sorry, Yoshiki-san!” Bou said, bowing down, “I... things kind of happened last night... and stuff-”
“Whoa, whoa!” Yoshiki said, raising his hands in the air not really interested in hearing his explanation, “Don’t tell that to me! Tell that to your psychopath boyfriend and to your best-”
Before the other could even finish his sentence, the aforementioned best friend was already running from the other room to the blond.
“Bou!” Miku leaped at the blond, wrapping his arms tightly around at his best friend’s neck. Even with his small form, he somehow managed to swing the other. He can never count the strand of hair he pulled from his head just from being troubled. It’s not his fault that he cares about his best friend too much. No matter how stupid Bou’s actions may sometimes be, if there was something wrong, he will always worry about his cross dressing room mate.
Yoshiki crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head at their funny antics.
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Miku said, smacking Bou on the back of the head, letting the maternal side of him fade away to a bit of chagrin. Just because he loves his best friend doesn’t mean the things he does doesn’t sometimes aggravate him, “Where the fuck did you go? Do you know how worried we were last night? We were this close to calling the police last night-” and the brunette pulled the blond boy close to him and whispered in a low voice, “And I don’t even want to know what Miyavi meant when he said he was going to get some special friends to help!”
Bou’s smile dropped when he heard Miyavi’s name.
“Miyavi?” the blond said, “Where is he?”
“Bou”
And like a weight dropped on their small reunion, they stopped and looked at the tall boy who was waiting by them at the door. He leaned on the side, a small smile on his lips.
Yeah, it was a bit corny but Bou smiled back not helping how happy he was seeing Miyavi standing over their without much of a wound on his body. Though there was that small bandage on his face that had him wrinkle his brow.
“Miyavi, what happened to your...?”
“Thank goodness, I left a note at the apartment!” Miku said, breaking the blond before he could finish his sentence. “Really! Didn’t you know how Miyavi was close to tearing people last night! And I thought I was worried! You should be happy to have someone like that boyfriend of yours around!”
“Oh shut up, you” Miyavi said, walking towards them just wanting to be with the one he loves, “It was nothing...”
“Nothing?” Yoshiki said and the now revived Sugizo who rolled his eyes at the statement decided to join in, “You should have seen the tantrum he threw!”
“He was fucking frantic; did you know he called me when I was in the middle of scoring one of Japan’s sexiest ladies?” Sugizo declared, “This close, and bam! My cell phone had to ring at the worse of moments! You don’t get a fucking second chance like that ever again with the kind of woman I was with!”
Miyavi shook his head and looked at Bou, “Don’t listen to them, they’re crazy-”
“Not as crazy as you were last night!” the red head said, and then nudged Miku on the chest, “You agree with me and Yoshiki on this one right? That guy was a fucking maniac last night!”
“Really, Miku?” Bou just asked, purely rhetorical.
“Well... being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly the greatest experience of my life” the small brunette snickered, shrugging his shoulders, “So; he was kind of... a bit crazy last night”
And now the guilt started stabbing him in the chest, how could it not? Hearing all of these things from the three, who wouldn’t feel horrible? When he was playing, getting drunk here was Miyavi scared, pulling his hair- and his friend apparently out of bed- just to make sure he wasn’t okay.
Miyavi had an arm over Bou’s shoulders and softly, trying not to be obvious even though it can be seen, he pulled the blond by his side. Taking him away from his best friend’s tight hold, who didn’t even seem to notice as the brunette started chattering to the two older boys.
“Hey, where’s Gackt?” Yoshiki said, just realizing now that their other mate wasn’t around. “Did you try to call him?”
“No... I kind of didn’t...” Miyavi said, “I just thought I try solving this problem on my own”
Yoshiki and Sugizo stared, all the jokes from before well forgotten.
“Whoa... are you feeling okay, Miyavi?” Yoshiki couldn’t help but ask, Sugizo couldn’t even pull out a snarky statement from his usually chattering mouth. This was something new. This was a part of Miyavi they never... They never imagined could actually exist.
“Oh whatever guys” Bou could feel Miyavi’s heartbeat, his back pressed softly on the other’s front. Something inside him melts- he wasn’t sure if it was his pride or his heart, either ways- he couldn’t help but feel oh so happy forgetting momentarily the problem he was going to face.
For someone to care for him this much, he wanted to just cry again right there and then. Hoping everyone else could just leave them alone so he can just sink in Miyavi’s embrace. Tell him how stupid he was, hoping he could run his fingers along his face asking him if that wound, did it happen last night? Does it still hurt?
Are you mad?
God was he the worst.
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Everyone left moments ago, Miku and Yoshiki dragging a Sugizo who still wanted to try and catch Bou’s heart- failing like all those other times he tried. Yoshiki could get the message, the moment he saw his friend touch the small boy, he knew these two needed a bit of time to settle whatever they need to if they had things they need to tie.
He didn’t know how right he was.
“How is your jaw?” Bou softly touched Miyavi’s face, to which the other recoiled a bit. “Did this happen last night?”
“Yeah” was all Miyavi said, didn’t bother adding anything else.
“I’m sorry” Bou whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry”
He wrapped his arms around Miyavi’s neck, he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t help it anymore, he wasn’t the one for little girly outbursts like these but he was needed it so badly. How many times did he let them fall today? The tears from his eyes? How many times did he let his emotions betray him?
He was never like this before.
“Yeah, whatever” Miyavi said, pushing him away, the words from his mouth lost its warm quality and the blond felt a bit of a cold stab at his own chest.
“Miyavi” Bou said, surprised at the sudden change of characters, “What’s wrong?”
Instead of replying, the taller boy just ignored the question, walking as fast as he can away from the blond boy. His hands in his pockets, he started to stalk the direction opposite Bou.
The petite cross dresser stared, wondering if he found out already- about the bracelet. He followed Miyavi, taking hasty steps as he tried to keep up with the boy before him.
“Miyavi... Hey, I’m sorry, okay! I know I was being such a dense little monster last night, I know I’m useless...” Bou called out, not sure what to say. He was scared about what’s going to them now, “Miyavi, please, look at me!”
“Where did you go last night? After you left?” Miyavi finally asked when they reached the library, that room Bou remembers so well, the first time he got the bracelet. The symbol of their ridiculous love affair, the one that should be wrapped around the blonde’s wrist. The little trinket he lost just last night.
“I... I...” Bou felt lost, he looked at his black school shoes. He couldn’t exactly tell Miyavi that.
“I’m asking you a fucking question” he hissed, and it made Bou flinch hearing Miyavi use that voice. Even when they were fighting like children, the other boy would never use this kind of tone on him. “Where the fuck were you? Where did you go? What happened?”
“I didn’t go anywhere!” it was an obvious lie. So obvious, Bou couldn’t help but bite his lower lip at this brainless slip. “Miyavi... please”
Miyavi laughed, cold and harsh, a hand over his eyes with a hint of exasperation in his tone. Bou watched in silent nervousness, wondering what on earth does this mean. Something tells him it wasn’t exactly a good sign.
“You don’t know?” the ore-sama turned around again, his hands in the air almost as if asking the ceiling if the boy’s reply was a good one. “You don’t know?”
“Miyavi... I’m telling you the truth-”
“How do I know that, Bou? Tell me, how do I fucking know that?” the ore-sama turned around and glared, “How do I know you’re telling me the truth? I can’t fucking monitor you every fucking second-”
“You have to believe me!” Bou said his hands on his chest, “I’m telling you the truth, why should I ever lie to you?”
“Because you don’t know me as much as I don’t know you” and the truth hurt so bad it almost killed both of them, but Miyavi had enough of having to adjust to the other. He’d been doing so much, so many things and for the blond to just fuck him around “But if you think you can easily manipulate me, well you’re dead wrong!”
“What?!” Bou asked in disbelief as he heard those words coming from Miyavi, “What are you saying! I would... I’m not that kind of person!”
“How am I so sure?” the tall boy shouted back, “All the time we’ve been together... all we ever did was fight! And all the time, I was always the one having to give and all you had to do was take. It gets tiring, Bou, it really does!”
“Miyavi, I said I’m sorry okay! But, you know I would never do those things!”
“Oh really? How am I suppose know that? That you’re not just wasting your time with me just to get my money?”
The blond couldn’t believe the things he was hearing. He froze for a moment, the hands on his side slowly turning into fists.
Of course Bou wanted to shout, wanted to defend his side of the whole thing, how dare Miyavi sees him this way. It wasn’t like he wanted any of the things the other gave, it wasn’t as if he asked for them. He was so angry.
“How dare you accuse me of something as low as that?” Bou slapped the other right across the face, “It was you who forced yourself on me. It was you who hurt me and wouldn’t leave me alone. It was you who convinced me to come here and play your... your little whore!”
“And once again, it’s my fault, right? Because I’m such a retard and because I’m so stupid, right?” the tall boy chuckled rather mirthlessly, turning around walking slowly towards the room’s long table “You always have to shift everything to me, huh? But then again, it’s always easy... making it as if, it is my fault. Making it look like it was my doing. That everything was my mistake, right?”
“Miyavi that’s not what I meant” Bou followed, knowing once again he has officially fucked up everything.
“Then what do you mean?” the taller boy turned around to face the petite cross dresser. He waited for the other’s answer.
“I am... I’m-” he wanted to say what happened, tell him about the girls who tricked him into drinking until he passed out. He wanted to tell Miyavi about waking up in the morning naked in some place he doesn’t remember going to. He wants to tell Miyavi how he himself was worried too. When he walked out, he felt so stupid for the things he said, for embarrassing him, that he decided to go back. “Please... it’s not ... I...”
He wanted to tell Miyavi that he cares.
But he found that he couldn’t. The words, they were all in his head all piling up until they were all clashing and crashing. Each thought was burning in his skull, everyone trying to get out needing to be said because if they don’t then they’ll all just explode and the blond might go crazy.
Yet, they never did.
“Just tell me one thing” Miyavi sighed, looking away, somewhere that didn’t have Bou. A spot where he can concentrate on and pretend, pretend that there was nothing wrong. “Do you love me?”
“I... Miyavi” Bou pleaded, why was it so hard? The three words, the eight letters were just on the tip of his tongue. If he could just pull out of his mouth, push it outside and let the other boy hear his real feelings.
The tall boy kicked at the floor, he didn’t like the hesitation. He turned and slammed his fists on the table, biting his lower lip trying his best not to look pathetic. But his eyes were starting to water and they were starting to fall without his consent- those little things called tears.
He didn’t want Bou to see him like this, to see him so weak and helpless.
“Miyavi, I’m sorry” Bou tried to reach out his hand, hoping he could just fix everything. This wasn’t what he expected. He wanted to fix things with Miyavi not worse the problem. “I... you...”
“I can’t stand it anymore” He whispered, angrily “I can’t stand it, if you do love me why is it so hard for you to say it? Just fucking say it even if you don’t mean it. Just say it so I won’t have to... So that I know you’re telling the truth, even if you’re lying, give me fucking reassurance. Tell me I’m not wasting so much time and money. That this isn’t unrequited, that I’m not as stupid or dumb as you always call me”
Bou looked down, hoping his silence was enough to say the words Miyavi needed to hear.
“Why are you making this so difficult?” his voice was cracked a bit, he didn’t want to say that, but it came out instead. Why do people say the wrong things at the wrong time?
Miyavi’s eye went wide, his back still on Bou as he heard that statement instead of what he wanted to hear.
Silence, nobody talked for a moment after Bou. The blond didn’t know what he was thinking saying something stupid like that. Today, he’s been saying so many stupid things, why can’t he stop? Why is it so hard? Why can’t he just drop his own pride and just show Miyavi who he really is?
The tall boy slammed his fist again, the sound echoing across the room making Bou cringe a bit inside hearing the sound. His teeth clenching as he tried to hold back the scream that was going to come out of his mouth.
“Miyavi, stop being such a little kid!” Bou said, trying to defend himself, steering away from the real problem “I’m human and I have feelings! You can’t just automatically tell me how to feel”
“Then what about me? What about my feelings? Please tell me Bou, since I’m such a little kid...” he turned around and grabbed at Bou’s wrist. He pulled at the other and that’s when he realized there was something wrong.
With his tear stained face, he looked at Bou with shock apparent in his usually sharp eyes as the grip on the blonde’s wrist tightened. It was the moment the petite cross dresser feared the most.
“Where’s the bracelet?” he asked, Bou squirmed hoping Miyavi would just loosen his hold a bit. “Why aren’t you wearing it?”
“Miyavi, please don’t get mad”
“Get mad? Me? I’m fucking furious” Miyavi threw Bou’s wrists away, “I can’t believe you! I spent the whole night looking for you, sick with worry wondering if you’re okay, if some bastard kidnapped you and raped you and how do you show you care? You go around with another man, you whore yourself out and lost one of things that means the world to me!”
“What?! What do you mean by whoring myself out! I would never-”
“Really?” Miyavi pulled out something, a brown envelop from before the ones with the pictures, “Then unless that’s your twin, you might as well call me crazy!”
He threw the pictures at Bou’s face, the blond managing to catch one piece and stare in horror. He went to the floor, his fingers shaking as he reached for the other pictures. It was him, in all five pieces, the one with Nana and her friends all drunk his head leaning on her shoulder. There was the one with him “How on earth... wait, this never happened!”
“Do you expect me to believe that? Do you really think I’m that stupid as to not believe those?” Miyavi bellowed, “Who is he? Is he some boyfriend you’ve been secretly hiding around? Just fucking tell me who it is”
“I don’t know who this is! This isn’t Maya-”
“Maya?” Miyavi asked incredulously at the revelation, “Don’t tell me there’s more than one!”
“No, Miyavi, it’s not what you think!” Bou said, wanting to explain. “It’s not like that, he helped me last night, I was tricked into drinking by a group of girls and that’s all I could remember-”
“And you seemed to be enjoying it!”
“I didn’t! I was worried about you too!” the blond tried to convince the ore-sama, “That’s why I went back to the bar, I wanted to look for you and I wanted to know if you’re okay. I heard there was a fight but those girls got me drunk-”
“Like hell you were, I can’t believe what I’m hearing” Miyavi then added, “I thought you were different”
“Miyavi, please believe me!” Bou pleaded, “Why can’t you trust me? I didn’t do any of these things! Someone framed me Miyavi, please listen-”
“No, I don’t want to hear anymore of this. Get out.”
“Miyavi, believe me. If you love me, you’ll listen to me-”
“Just get out. I don’t want to see you again”
“Miyavi! Please, listen, I have nothing to do-!”
“GET. OUT.”
He grabbed the blond by the wrist and dragged him towards the exit of the library, dragged him down the stairs with the blond trying to ask for the boy’s attention the sounds of stomping and their voices running around the usually empty house. When they finally reached the front door, Miyavi opened it and threw the blond out of his house.
“I don’t ever want to see your face again; I don’t want to talk to you. Everything we’ve been through was nothing! Nothing happened between us, you hear me? Nothing! From this moment on, you’re back to being a fucking red card girl”
Just like that, the door slammed on Bou’s face.
“Miyavi! Let me explain!” the blond stood, running to the door, ramming his fists on the hard wood. “It’s not what you think!”
He kept on ramming and ramming until more than his hands hurt. Until he was so tired and frustrated, until all he could do was just collapse on the front door, his eyes red from crying and his voice hoarse from having to scream so loud.
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It started to rain half way when he walked home.
Under the rain, he could pretend he was all right and no one will have to notice his current depression. But then again the remorseful expression on his face gave too much of how he actually felt inside. Even when the rain drops washed away the tears, his sad eyes already gave him away to anyone who cared to look at his face.
He didn’t call a taxi, didn’t bother to ride a train that’s why when he got home his body hurt, he was shivering from head to toe. But it didn’t matter to him, not when Miyavi hated him. Nothing matters, nothing matters; he didn’t care that he coming down with a flu.
“What on earth were you thinking?” Miku exclaimed, how many times did he have to worry about his best friend? He quickly escorted his now limping friend into their tiny apartment and let him sit down in the middle of their small living room.
“You wait here, okay?” the brunette said, holding his friend’s with his two hands, “I’ll get you some clothes and a towel, don’t... just don’t do anything”
Nothing matters, as Bou listened to his friend babble about turning on the water or about him getting sick.
Nothing matters, as Miku tried coax Bou to get out of his clothes, that if he doesn’t he might get sick.
Nothing matters, as his friend slowly peeled the blazer from Bou who suddenly let his face rest on his friend’s shoulder. At this Miku, stopped his frantic movements, he was surprised to say the least when he felt Bou’s tears wetting the side of his shoulder.
“Miku, why am I so stupid?” he heard his friend whisper, “Why can’t I do anything right?”
“Hey, Bou, don’t say that” he didn’t know where this was coming from but as a friend regardless if he knows the situation or not, it was his duty to calm him. Even if it was tiring, but this was Bou, “You’re not stupid, whatever you did this time, I don’t think-”
“You don’t understand Miku!” Bou shivered in his arms, and that wasn’t because of the cold, “I screwed up big time! Miyavi hates me now, and I didn’t even get the chance to explain to him my side!”
Miku didn’t know what to say, he was a bit confused. Wasn’t Miyavi happy to see him just this day? What went wrong? Did these two have an argument after he, Sugizo and Yoshiki left?
“He hates me, Miku, he fucking hates me and I feel so angry for being so useless and stupid and such a brat. I wasn’t even trying for his sake to be nice last night and then all this shit had to happen” he was running a mile a minute, all the things he couldn’t tell Miyavi he told his best friend instead, all the things that could’ve saved him from getting to the situation he’s currently in, all the words that are practically useless now, “Why can’t he fucking tell? Why is he so difficult? Can’t he see this hurt me as much it hurts him?”
Miku rested his chin on top of Bou’s head, rubbing Bou’s shaking form with his hand as he listened to the small femme. “Don’t worry, Bou, it’ll be okay... you guys will work it out, like always! Maybe he’s just... going through some sort of phase-”
“Why can’t he understand that I fucking care?” the blond sobbed, “Why can’t he tell that I love him so much, Miku?”
STUPID LITTLE INTERVIEW SEGMENT BECAUSE IT FELT SO COOL! 8D
~In which the author decides that instead of leaving really long useless comments, we will have the characters of the story talk about their feelings on their roles. Hosted byearnestinberlin’s Bananas, today on our very first interview portion, we will ask the wonderful character Tetsuya Ogawa, who has been recurring in earlier chapters and who has somehow disappeared from the story all together. Does his character have some sort of special come back? The answer to that will... or will not... be revealed!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: So, you’ve been recurring in the earlier segment of this story and then you just vanished... What is up with that?
Tetsu: *laughs* Have I? Well, the author decided that she wanted to let those two (Miyavi and Bou) develop first before I should come back
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Oh really? Why is that?
Tetsu: Well, the moment I come back, things are seriously going to get a little rough for those two over there! So she wanted them to have some sort of foundation first, it be really awkward if the bigger problems starts surfacing too early in the series!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Can’t wait for you next appearance then! So far we’ve been seeing them try to create some sort of relationship, but I guess it’s time for some outside conflict, I’m guessing you’re involved in the conflict then? Seeing as you said in your first statement, that going to be a little rough for them the moment you come back?
Tetsu: *Opens mouth, and then quickly closes it, trying to hide the small laughter that was bubbling out of his mouth*
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Oh, oh! What does that mean, Ogawa-san!
Tetsu: My involvement, yes... I am sort of involved, but then I can’t tell you how involved I am.
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: So in the series, it’s been implied that you and Takanori Nishikawa are brothers? Do you have any ties to other characters that you’re willing to share?
Tetsu: Actually, we’re supposed to be half-brothers, mind you. The author’s a bit particular on details. *Laughs* Sadly I can’t tell you that, but yes I have ties to another character. I’m not sure if people know it, but for the sake of the story I’ll just keep my mouth shut. *Forms an X over his lips with two fingers* But have fun guessing who it is though!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: That is very cute! Oh, one more thing before we sign off. The author has been showing us some scenes, like the one in Chapter five, the one with the rain, like snippets of memories. Is there some sort of meaning to this? Certainly she wouldn’t show that scene unless there was something to it!
Tetsu: Why are you asking me? *Laughs* You are after all... her bananas!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Very cheeky, Ogawa, very cheeky! Well, any last words before this segment ends?
Tetsu: Please, check out the next instalment to this series, when the next chapter will come I don’t know. And the author would like very much for you guys to read her other story, “2 Seconds To The Top”. Yes, this was a shameless plug. *Laughs* But I hope you guys will still read it anyway! Thank you all for having me here!
I am just amazing, no? :D Do you guys want to see other characters being “interviewed” too? Well if so, just leave which character you want to see on your comments along with your questions. Hahaha! This is just so cool I wanna do this interview thing again xD
Thanks for reading!
Author:
earnestinberlinTheme: 016. Denial
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: MiyavixBou (main)
Band[s]: Solo Miyavi, Antic Cafe
Disclaimer: I’m a lonely city girl~~ *Now do you want me to sing? Of course not! xD
Comments: I’m actually touched how people still want this thing alive. I feel... You guys make me feel so special, I just... I just want to thank you all for being so supportive! Because I’m so cool there’s this weird “interview” segment at the bottom xD
Summary: Bou is your not so average cross dressing student who has been going to Holy Garden University for the last two (and a half!) years. All he wants (and needs) is a quiet life and to finally graduate from the horrid school he’s been forced to attend.
Not going to happen to this cross dresser.
Previously:
Chapitre Un
Chapitre Deux
Chapitre Trois
Chapitre Quatre
Chapitre Cinq
Chapitre Six
Chapitre Sept (Bonus Chapter)
Chapitre Huit
Chapitre Neuf
Chapitre Dix
Chapitre Onze
Chapitre Douze
Chapitre Treize
Chapitre Quatorze
Chapitre Quinze
It was a metal bracelet, shinning in the dark. A metal bracelet that could belong to anyone in the world, anyone in the world who can afford something as expensive as this. It was wrapped around a thin wrist, a wrist that was connected to a hand, one that was holding on to a familiar bracelet.
“You really are bastard, you know that?” Nana said, reaching out for the cigarette in the boy’s mouth and taking a puff herself. “She was really sweet”
“So? You don’t understand anything” he lifted up to his face, looking at the diamonds and small little pieces of gems attached to the chain.
The girl shook her head, throwing away what was left of the cancer stick- which wasn’t much. She leaned close to her boss, her hands on either side of the arm rest of his chair, “All because he left you?”
“Can you please shut up?”
“Hey, I’m not the one with the down in the gutter relationship” she lifted from the position, replacing her earlier expression with a small smirk trying to get her boss a bit riled up without actually having to write her death wish.
“That was uncalled for” the raven haired boy in front of him said, and then he added in a small threatening voice “Are you trying to get me mad?”
“Now, I was just merely stating a fact, dear” she winked at him, pinching his left cheek. Then slinging her small purse over her shoulder “I hope your latest brainchild works, I’m leaving now. My part of the job is done and as much as I want to see what’s going to happen next, I have a date waiting for me”
“Oh and just so you know, Bou isn’t exactly what you think she is” He watched as she walked away, she opened the door and before she could get out, “Just wire me the money okay?”
A small click and she was gone.
The boy looked at the door with a sour expression; he wasn’t in the mood to be reminded of his current status. He felt for his cheek, the one that was pinched by the girl.
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“Oh god!” Sugizo exclaimed, the moment he saw the blond boy near the front entrance. “It’s you! The love of my live has come back!”
Like all the other times, he tried to get a hold of the blond but like every time Yoshiki had a fist ready in the air to keep his redhead friend from even trying to touch Bou. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in true love and its pursuits- if he didn’t, he should’ve stopped Miyavi a long time ago when he started crushing on the blond boy. But Sugizo and Bou...? No. Just, No.
“Bou-kun” the older blond said, not really minding the fact that he just knocked out his friend “Where have you been? Didn’t you know that you had people bat shit scared?”
“I’m so sorry, Yoshiki-san!” Bou said, bowing down, “I... things kind of happened last night... and stuff-”
“Whoa, whoa!” Yoshiki said, raising his hands in the air not really interested in hearing his explanation, “Don’t tell that to me! Tell that to your psychopath boyfriend and to your best-”
Before the other could even finish his sentence, the aforementioned best friend was already running from the other room to the blond.
“Bou!” Miku leaped at the blond, wrapping his arms tightly around at his best friend’s neck. Even with his small form, he somehow managed to swing the other. He can never count the strand of hair he pulled from his head just from being troubled. It’s not his fault that he cares about his best friend too much. No matter how stupid Bou’s actions may sometimes be, if there was something wrong, he will always worry about his cross dressing room mate.
Yoshiki crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head at their funny antics.
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Miku said, smacking Bou on the back of the head, letting the maternal side of him fade away to a bit of chagrin. Just because he loves his best friend doesn’t mean the things he does doesn’t sometimes aggravate him, “Where the fuck did you go? Do you know how worried we were last night? We were this close to calling the police last night-” and the brunette pulled the blond boy close to him and whispered in a low voice, “And I don’t even want to know what Miyavi meant when he said he was going to get some special friends to help!”
Bou’s smile dropped when he heard Miyavi’s name.
“Miyavi?” the blond said, “Where is he?”
“Bou”
And like a weight dropped on their small reunion, they stopped and looked at the tall boy who was waiting by them at the door. He leaned on the side, a small smile on his lips.
Yeah, it was a bit corny but Bou smiled back not helping how happy he was seeing Miyavi standing over their without much of a wound on his body. Though there was that small bandage on his face that had him wrinkle his brow.
“Miyavi, what happened to your...?”
“Thank goodness, I left a note at the apartment!” Miku said, breaking the blond before he could finish his sentence. “Really! Didn’t you know how Miyavi was close to tearing people last night! And I thought I was worried! You should be happy to have someone like that boyfriend of yours around!”
“Oh shut up, you” Miyavi said, walking towards them just wanting to be with the one he loves, “It was nothing...”
“Nothing?” Yoshiki said and the now revived Sugizo who rolled his eyes at the statement decided to join in, “You should have seen the tantrum he threw!”
“He was fucking frantic; did you know he called me when I was in the middle of scoring one of Japan’s sexiest ladies?” Sugizo declared, “This close, and bam! My cell phone had to ring at the worse of moments! You don’t get a fucking second chance like that ever again with the kind of woman I was with!”
Miyavi shook his head and looked at Bou, “Don’t listen to them, they’re crazy-”
“Not as crazy as you were last night!” the red head said, and then nudged Miku on the chest, “You agree with me and Yoshiki on this one right? That guy was a fucking maniac last night!”
“Really, Miku?” Bou just asked, purely rhetorical.
“Well... being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly the greatest experience of my life” the small brunette snickered, shrugging his shoulders, “So; he was kind of... a bit crazy last night”
And now the guilt started stabbing him in the chest, how could it not? Hearing all of these things from the three, who wouldn’t feel horrible? When he was playing, getting drunk here was Miyavi scared, pulling his hair- and his friend apparently out of bed- just to make sure he wasn’t okay.
Miyavi had an arm over Bou’s shoulders and softly, trying not to be obvious even though it can be seen, he pulled the blond by his side. Taking him away from his best friend’s tight hold, who didn’t even seem to notice as the brunette started chattering to the two older boys.
“Hey, where’s Gackt?” Yoshiki said, just realizing now that their other mate wasn’t around. “Did you try to call him?”
“No... I kind of didn’t...” Miyavi said, “I just thought I try solving this problem on my own”
Yoshiki and Sugizo stared, all the jokes from before well forgotten.
“Whoa... are you feeling okay, Miyavi?” Yoshiki couldn’t help but ask, Sugizo couldn’t even pull out a snarky statement from his usually chattering mouth. This was something new. This was a part of Miyavi they never... They never imagined could actually exist.
“Oh whatever guys” Bou could feel Miyavi’s heartbeat, his back pressed softly on the other’s front. Something inside him melts- he wasn’t sure if it was his pride or his heart, either ways- he couldn’t help but feel oh so happy forgetting momentarily the problem he was going to face.
For someone to care for him this much, he wanted to just cry again right there and then. Hoping everyone else could just leave them alone so he can just sink in Miyavi’s embrace. Tell him how stupid he was, hoping he could run his fingers along his face asking him if that wound, did it happen last night? Does it still hurt?
Are you mad?
God was he the worst.
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Everyone left moments ago, Miku and Yoshiki dragging a Sugizo who still wanted to try and catch Bou’s heart- failing like all those other times he tried. Yoshiki could get the message, the moment he saw his friend touch the small boy, he knew these two needed a bit of time to settle whatever they need to if they had things they need to tie.
He didn’t know how right he was.
“How is your jaw?” Bou softly touched Miyavi’s face, to which the other recoiled a bit. “Did this happen last night?”
“Yeah” was all Miyavi said, didn’t bother adding anything else.
“I’m sorry” Bou whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry”
He wrapped his arms around Miyavi’s neck, he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t help it anymore, he wasn’t the one for little girly outbursts like these but he was needed it so badly. How many times did he let them fall today? The tears from his eyes? How many times did he let his emotions betray him?
He was never like this before.
“Yeah, whatever” Miyavi said, pushing him away, the words from his mouth lost its warm quality and the blond felt a bit of a cold stab at his own chest.
“Miyavi” Bou said, surprised at the sudden change of characters, “What’s wrong?”
Instead of replying, the taller boy just ignored the question, walking as fast as he can away from the blond boy. His hands in his pockets, he started to stalk the direction opposite Bou.
The petite cross dresser stared, wondering if he found out already- about the bracelet. He followed Miyavi, taking hasty steps as he tried to keep up with the boy before him.
“Miyavi... Hey, I’m sorry, okay! I know I was being such a dense little monster last night, I know I’m useless...” Bou called out, not sure what to say. He was scared about what’s going to them now, “Miyavi, please, look at me!”
“Where did you go last night? After you left?” Miyavi finally asked when they reached the library, that room Bou remembers so well, the first time he got the bracelet. The symbol of their ridiculous love affair, the one that should be wrapped around the blonde’s wrist. The little trinket he lost just last night.
“I... I...” Bou felt lost, he looked at his black school shoes. He couldn’t exactly tell Miyavi that.
“I’m asking you a fucking question” he hissed, and it made Bou flinch hearing Miyavi use that voice. Even when they were fighting like children, the other boy would never use this kind of tone on him. “Where the fuck were you? Where did you go? What happened?”
“I didn’t go anywhere!” it was an obvious lie. So obvious, Bou couldn’t help but bite his lower lip at this brainless slip. “Miyavi... please”
Miyavi laughed, cold and harsh, a hand over his eyes with a hint of exasperation in his tone. Bou watched in silent nervousness, wondering what on earth does this mean. Something tells him it wasn’t exactly a good sign.
“You don’t know?” the ore-sama turned around again, his hands in the air almost as if asking the ceiling if the boy’s reply was a good one. “You don’t know?”
“Miyavi... I’m telling you the truth-”
“How do I know that, Bou? Tell me, how do I fucking know that?” the ore-sama turned around and glared, “How do I know you’re telling me the truth? I can’t fucking monitor you every fucking second-”
“You have to believe me!” Bou said his hands on his chest, “I’m telling you the truth, why should I ever lie to you?”
“Because you don’t know me as much as I don’t know you” and the truth hurt so bad it almost killed both of them, but Miyavi had enough of having to adjust to the other. He’d been doing so much, so many things and for the blond to just fuck him around “But if you think you can easily manipulate me, well you’re dead wrong!”
“What?!” Bou asked in disbelief as he heard those words coming from Miyavi, “What are you saying! I would... I’m not that kind of person!”
“How am I so sure?” the tall boy shouted back, “All the time we’ve been together... all we ever did was fight! And all the time, I was always the one having to give and all you had to do was take. It gets tiring, Bou, it really does!”
“Miyavi, I said I’m sorry okay! But, you know I would never do those things!”
“Oh really? How am I suppose know that? That you’re not just wasting your time with me just to get my money?”
The blond couldn’t believe the things he was hearing. He froze for a moment, the hands on his side slowly turning into fists.
Of course Bou wanted to shout, wanted to defend his side of the whole thing, how dare Miyavi sees him this way. It wasn’t like he wanted any of the things the other gave, it wasn’t as if he asked for them. He was so angry.
“How dare you accuse me of something as low as that?” Bou slapped the other right across the face, “It was you who forced yourself on me. It was you who hurt me and wouldn’t leave me alone. It was you who convinced me to come here and play your... your little whore!”
“And once again, it’s my fault, right? Because I’m such a retard and because I’m so stupid, right?” the tall boy chuckled rather mirthlessly, turning around walking slowly towards the room’s long table “You always have to shift everything to me, huh? But then again, it’s always easy... making it as if, it is my fault. Making it look like it was my doing. That everything was my mistake, right?”
“Miyavi that’s not what I meant” Bou followed, knowing once again he has officially fucked up everything.
“Then what do you mean?” the taller boy turned around to face the petite cross dresser. He waited for the other’s answer.
“I am... I’m-” he wanted to say what happened, tell him about the girls who tricked him into drinking until he passed out. He wanted to tell Miyavi about waking up in the morning naked in some place he doesn’t remember going to. He wants to tell Miyavi how he himself was worried too. When he walked out, he felt so stupid for the things he said, for embarrassing him, that he decided to go back. “Please... it’s not ... I...”
He wanted to tell Miyavi that he cares.
But he found that he couldn’t. The words, they were all in his head all piling up until they were all clashing and crashing. Each thought was burning in his skull, everyone trying to get out needing to be said because if they don’t then they’ll all just explode and the blond might go crazy.
Yet, they never did.
“Just tell me one thing” Miyavi sighed, looking away, somewhere that didn’t have Bou. A spot where he can concentrate on and pretend, pretend that there was nothing wrong. “Do you love me?”
“I... Miyavi” Bou pleaded, why was it so hard? The three words, the eight letters were just on the tip of his tongue. If he could just pull out of his mouth, push it outside and let the other boy hear his real feelings.
The tall boy kicked at the floor, he didn’t like the hesitation. He turned and slammed his fists on the table, biting his lower lip trying his best not to look pathetic. But his eyes were starting to water and they were starting to fall without his consent- those little things called tears.
He didn’t want Bou to see him like this, to see him so weak and helpless.
“Miyavi, I’m sorry” Bou tried to reach out his hand, hoping he could just fix everything. This wasn’t what he expected. He wanted to fix things with Miyavi not worse the problem. “I... you...”
“I can’t stand it anymore” He whispered, angrily “I can’t stand it, if you do love me why is it so hard for you to say it? Just fucking say it even if you don’t mean it. Just say it so I won’t have to... So that I know you’re telling the truth, even if you’re lying, give me fucking reassurance. Tell me I’m not wasting so much time and money. That this isn’t unrequited, that I’m not as stupid or dumb as you always call me”
Bou looked down, hoping his silence was enough to say the words Miyavi needed to hear.
“Why are you making this so difficult?” his voice was cracked a bit, he didn’t want to say that, but it came out instead. Why do people say the wrong things at the wrong time?
Miyavi’s eye went wide, his back still on Bou as he heard that statement instead of what he wanted to hear.
Silence, nobody talked for a moment after Bou. The blond didn’t know what he was thinking saying something stupid like that. Today, he’s been saying so many stupid things, why can’t he stop? Why is it so hard? Why can’t he just drop his own pride and just show Miyavi who he really is?
The tall boy slammed his fist again, the sound echoing across the room making Bou cringe a bit inside hearing the sound. His teeth clenching as he tried to hold back the scream that was going to come out of his mouth.
“Miyavi, stop being such a little kid!” Bou said, trying to defend himself, steering away from the real problem “I’m human and I have feelings! You can’t just automatically tell me how to feel”
“Then what about me? What about my feelings? Please tell me Bou, since I’m such a little kid...” he turned around and grabbed at Bou’s wrist. He pulled at the other and that’s when he realized there was something wrong.
With his tear stained face, he looked at Bou with shock apparent in his usually sharp eyes as the grip on the blonde’s wrist tightened. It was the moment the petite cross dresser feared the most.
“Where’s the bracelet?” he asked, Bou squirmed hoping Miyavi would just loosen his hold a bit. “Why aren’t you wearing it?”
“Miyavi, please don’t get mad”
“Get mad? Me? I’m fucking furious” Miyavi threw Bou’s wrists away, “I can’t believe you! I spent the whole night looking for you, sick with worry wondering if you’re okay, if some bastard kidnapped you and raped you and how do you show you care? You go around with another man, you whore yourself out and lost one of things that means the world to me!”
“What?! What do you mean by whoring myself out! I would never-”
“Really?” Miyavi pulled out something, a brown envelop from before the ones with the pictures, “Then unless that’s your twin, you might as well call me crazy!”
He threw the pictures at Bou’s face, the blond managing to catch one piece and stare in horror. He went to the floor, his fingers shaking as he reached for the other pictures. It was him, in all five pieces, the one with Nana and her friends all drunk his head leaning on her shoulder. There was the one with him “How on earth... wait, this never happened!”
“Do you expect me to believe that? Do you really think I’m that stupid as to not believe those?” Miyavi bellowed, “Who is he? Is he some boyfriend you’ve been secretly hiding around? Just fucking tell me who it is”
“I don’t know who this is! This isn’t Maya-”
“Maya?” Miyavi asked incredulously at the revelation, “Don’t tell me there’s more than one!”
“No, Miyavi, it’s not what you think!” Bou said, wanting to explain. “It’s not like that, he helped me last night, I was tricked into drinking by a group of girls and that’s all I could remember-”
“And you seemed to be enjoying it!”
“I didn’t! I was worried about you too!” the blond tried to convince the ore-sama, “That’s why I went back to the bar, I wanted to look for you and I wanted to know if you’re okay. I heard there was a fight but those girls got me drunk-”
“Like hell you were, I can’t believe what I’m hearing” Miyavi then added, “I thought you were different”
“Miyavi, please believe me!” Bou pleaded, “Why can’t you trust me? I didn’t do any of these things! Someone framed me Miyavi, please listen-”
“No, I don’t want to hear anymore of this. Get out.”
“Miyavi, believe me. If you love me, you’ll listen to me-”
“Just get out. I don’t want to see you again”
“Miyavi! Please, listen, I have nothing to do-!”
“GET. OUT.”
He grabbed the blond by the wrist and dragged him towards the exit of the library, dragged him down the stairs with the blond trying to ask for the boy’s attention the sounds of stomping and their voices running around the usually empty house. When they finally reached the front door, Miyavi opened it and threw the blond out of his house.
“I don’t ever want to see your face again; I don’t want to talk to you. Everything we’ve been through was nothing! Nothing happened between us, you hear me? Nothing! From this moment on, you’re back to being a fucking red card girl”
Just like that, the door slammed on Bou’s face.
“Miyavi! Let me explain!” the blond stood, running to the door, ramming his fists on the hard wood. “It’s not what you think!”
He kept on ramming and ramming until more than his hands hurt. Until he was so tired and frustrated, until all he could do was just collapse on the front door, his eyes red from crying and his voice hoarse from having to scream so loud.
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It started to rain half way when he walked home.
Under the rain, he could pretend he was all right and no one will have to notice his current depression. But then again the remorseful expression on his face gave too much of how he actually felt inside. Even when the rain drops washed away the tears, his sad eyes already gave him away to anyone who cared to look at his face.
He didn’t call a taxi, didn’t bother to ride a train that’s why when he got home his body hurt, he was shivering from head to toe. But it didn’t matter to him, not when Miyavi hated him. Nothing matters, nothing matters; he didn’t care that he coming down with a flu.
“What on earth were you thinking?” Miku exclaimed, how many times did he have to worry about his best friend? He quickly escorted his now limping friend into their tiny apartment and let him sit down in the middle of their small living room.
“You wait here, okay?” the brunette said, holding his friend’s with his two hands, “I’ll get you some clothes and a towel, don’t... just don’t do anything”
Nothing matters, as Bou listened to his friend babble about turning on the water or about him getting sick.
Nothing matters, as Miku tried coax Bou to get out of his clothes, that if he doesn’t he might get sick.
Nothing matters, as his friend slowly peeled the blazer from Bou who suddenly let his face rest on his friend’s shoulder. At this Miku, stopped his frantic movements, he was surprised to say the least when he felt Bou’s tears wetting the side of his shoulder.
“Miku, why am I so stupid?” he heard his friend whisper, “Why can’t I do anything right?”
“Hey, Bou, don’t say that” he didn’t know where this was coming from but as a friend regardless if he knows the situation or not, it was his duty to calm him. Even if it was tiring, but this was Bou, “You’re not stupid, whatever you did this time, I don’t think-”
“You don’t understand Miku!” Bou shivered in his arms, and that wasn’t because of the cold, “I screwed up big time! Miyavi hates me now, and I didn’t even get the chance to explain to him my side!”
Miku didn’t know what to say, he was a bit confused. Wasn’t Miyavi happy to see him just this day? What went wrong? Did these two have an argument after he, Sugizo and Yoshiki left?
“He hates me, Miku, he fucking hates me and I feel so angry for being so useless and stupid and such a brat. I wasn’t even trying for his sake to be nice last night and then all this shit had to happen” he was running a mile a minute, all the things he couldn’t tell Miyavi he told his best friend instead, all the things that could’ve saved him from getting to the situation he’s currently in, all the words that are practically useless now, “Why can’t he fucking tell? Why is he so difficult? Can’t he see this hurt me as much it hurts him?”
Miku rested his chin on top of Bou’s head, rubbing Bou’s shaking form with his hand as he listened to the small femme. “Don’t worry, Bou, it’ll be okay... you guys will work it out, like always! Maybe he’s just... going through some sort of phase-”
“Why can’t he understand that I fucking care?” the blond sobbed, “Why can’t he tell that I love him so much, Miku?”
STUPID LITTLE INTERVIEW SEGMENT BECAUSE IT FELT SO COOL! 8D
~In which the author decides that instead of leaving really long useless comments, we will have the characters of the story talk about their feelings on their roles. Hosted by
earnestinberlin’s Bananas, today on our very first interview portion, we will ask the wonderful character Tetsuya Ogawa, who has been recurring in earlier chapters and who has somehow disappeared from the story all together. Does his character have some sort of special come back? The answer to that will... or will not... be revealed! earnestinberlin’s Bananas: So, you’ve been recurring in the earlier segment of this story and then you just vanished... What is up with that?Tetsu: *laughs* Have I? Well, the author decided that she wanted to let those two (Miyavi and Bou) develop first before I should come back
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Oh really? Why is that? Tetsu: Well, the moment I come back, things are seriously going to get a little rough for those two over there! So she wanted them to have some sort of foundation first, it be really awkward if the bigger problems starts surfacing too early in the series!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Can’t wait for you next appearance then! So far we’ve been seeing them try to create some sort of relationship, but I guess it’s time for some outside conflict, I’m guessing you’re involved in the conflict then? Seeing as you said in your first statement, that going to be a little rough for them the moment you come back?Tetsu: *Opens mouth, and then quickly closes it, trying to hide the small laughter that was bubbling out of his mouth*
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Oh, oh! What does that mean, Ogawa-san!Tetsu: My involvement, yes... I am sort of involved, but then I can’t tell you how involved I am.
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: So in the series, it’s been implied that you and Takanori Nishikawa are brothers? Do you have any ties to other characters that you’re willing to share?Tetsu: Actually, we’re supposed to be half-brothers, mind you. The author’s a bit particular on details. *Laughs* Sadly I can’t tell you that, but yes I have ties to another character. I’m not sure if people know it, but for the sake of the story I’ll just keep my mouth shut. *Forms an X over his lips with two fingers* But have fun guessing who it is though!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: That is very cute! Oh, one more thing before we sign off. The author has been showing us some scenes, like the one in Chapter five, the one with the rain, like snippets of memories. Is there some sort of meaning to this? Certainly she wouldn’t show that scene unless there was something to it!Tetsu: Why are you asking me? *Laughs* You are after all... her bananas!
earnestinberlin’s Bananas: Very cheeky, Ogawa, very cheeky! Well, any last words before this segment ends?Tetsu: Please, check out the next instalment to this series, when the next chapter will come I don’t know. And the author would like very much for you guys to read her other story, “2 Seconds To The Top”. Yes, this was a shameless plug. *Laughs* But I hope you guys will still read it anyway! Thank you all for having me here!
I am just amazing, no? :D Do you guys want to see other characters being “interviewed” too? Well if so, just leave which character you want to see on your comments along with your questions. Hahaha! This is just so cool I wanna do this interview thing again xD
Thanks for reading!
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